Commentary:
With skills like that, I'm sure you already know how this conversation ends!
14856 Funny humor quotes
Old people won’t listen to you, but will trust a scam caller with their whole chest.
Commentary:
The ultimate trust exercise: can you get Nana to ignore the person on the phone claiming she won a free cruise?
Why is everybody on LinkedIn thrilled all the time?
Commentary:
Guess LinkedIn swapped the 'endorse' button with a 'mandatory happy dance' button!
You ever hold an iPhone without a case on it? You can almost feel its eagerness to toss itself onto some pavement.
Commentary:
Bold of you to assume I've ever taken the case off—it's like giving buttered toast a chance to land face down!
Make the Microsoft CEO search for an email on Outlook live on camera.
Commentary:
I'd pay good money to see their tech support face-off with the "Sorry, something went wrong" banner!
Just once, I’d like to experience the confidence of a goose walking directly into traffic.
Commentary:
Talk about thinking you're untouchable—those geese must have been former traffic wardens in a past life!
Deleting my Call of Duty account so the army can’t see my potential, and I don’t get drafted.
Commentary:
If hiding from the draft were a sport, I'd have a gold medal by now.
Being underestimated is my favorite plot twist.
Commentary:
Every time someone underestimates me, I feel like the surprise twist in the final scene of a poorly-organized mystery novel.
Hobbies include opening and closing apps.
Commentary:
Mastering the ancient art of app surfing, one tap at a time.
Spring is coming, and suddenly everyone remembers they enjoy life.
Commentary:
Ah, the annual spring awakening—when even the grumpiest neighbor starts acting like a Disney character!