Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Shared recently on Slack:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Just landed via Messenger:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Just landed via Reddit:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Just shared via Threads:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Trending via YouTube:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Making waves on Threads:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Going viral on Telegram:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Funny immunity quotes

New funny immunity quotes 👇

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

0

2 months ago

calory, diet, food, humor, i, immunity, pick

Someone from 🇬🇭 has recently bookmarked this quote.

29 shares on Instagram this month.
Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

0

5 months ago

3, benefit, day, days, disease, health, humor, immunity, job, job benefit, life, months, new, new job, office, office humor, sick, sick day, starting, work, work life

Someone from 🇨🇬 has recently copied this quote.

108 shares on Pinterest this month.

All funny immunity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

29 shares on Slack this month:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

87 shares on X this month:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Just landed via Slack:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Just landed via X:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Seen just now on X:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Trending via Twitch:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Spotted on Snapchat:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny immunity quotes

New funny immunity quotes 👇

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

All funny immunity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨