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3 months ago
Share →: They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Commentary:
"Is there an app for instant approvals yet? Asking for a friend… and their resume. 🤔🧑‍💻📄"

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Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Friends with consequences.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

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I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

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Just shared via Facebook:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Reported on X:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Just shared via X:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Trending via Facebook:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Live now on X:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

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Funny job rejection quotes

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

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Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

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When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

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