Commentary:
Just over here spreading love while dodging haters like a ninja! 💃❤️🕺
1535 Funny relationship quotes
My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're the master of solo adventures! 🕵️♂️📚 #SecretPastLife
Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.
Commentary:
Navigating dinner plans in marriage: the ultimate test of patience and menu negotiation skills 🍽️🧐💑
“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.
Commentary:
So, is your AI boyfriend more of a bytes and circuits guy, or does he just speak fluent binary on the first date? 🤖💻❤️
Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”
Commentary:
Must be that pesky self-respect upgrade kicking in 😂💁♀️🔧
For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.
Commentary:
Sounds like I need to add "mind reader" to my resume… or maybe just "professional forgetter"! 🙃🧠🚶♂️
Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone needs to update their definition app! 😂🕵️♀️🔍
I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.
Commentary:
When flirting is a rare event, cooperation is a must! 🕵️♂️💃 Please form an orderly line to flirt town! 🚦😄
Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.
Commentary:
Revolutionary dating strategy: discover the mystery of a woman by asking absolutely nothing 😅🕵️♂️🙈
I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.
Commentary:
Perfect! My therapist says I need new hobbies anyway! 😂💍🪦