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98 Funny single quotes

Trending Funny Single Quotes 🔥

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.
At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.
Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.
Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.
I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

More funny single quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Commentary:
"Hot singles in your area! 🌶️💔 They're like elusive unicorns – tempting but always out of reach. Better luck next time, champ! 😜"
5 months ago
Share →: If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Commentary:
Oh, so you're an expert on relationships now, huh? Well, why aren't you a millionaire, Mr./Ms. Relationship Guru? 💁‍♂️💰 Might need to update your resume to include "Love Doctor AND Financial Wizard"! 😉 #SavageResponses #SingleLifeBenefits
5 months ago
Share →: One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Commentary:
"Who needs two night stands when you can barely handle one? 🤔 Let's save some space for the important stuff – like a whole collection of mismatched socks under the bed! 🧦😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Commentary:
"Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's relationship timeline resembles a rollercoaster ride 🎢, while my love life has been more like a never-ending carousel 🎠 – going around in circles, but never quite getting anywhere! 🙃 #SingleLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Commentary:
"Looks like Miss Piggy's love life is stuck in a bit of a pigsty 🐷💔 Kermitment issues aside, let's hope she finds someone worthy of her bacon! 🥓💕 #SingleSwineSeekingLove"
5 months ago
Share →: Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Commentary:
"Ah, the delightful confusion of hitting your 40s! Suddenly, it feels like everyone under 25 is speaking a different language 🤯🤷‍♂️ It's like tuning into a radio station and realizing you're on the wrong frequency 📻🤣 Embrace the 'lost in translation' moments and just nod along like a wise sage 😉🧐"
5 months ago
Share →: The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Commentary:
"Looks like the only hot singles showing interest are those dollar bills in your wallet 💸🔥. Who needs dating apps when you've got cash as your wingman? 😏💰 #MoneyTalks"
5 months ago
Share →: Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Commentary:
🤔 Well, isn't it ironic how we fuss over the electoral college but end up putting all our trust in a furry meteorologist each year? 🦔🌧️ Let's hope Punxsutawney Phil doesn't start his own campaign trail anytime soon! #GroundhogForPresident 🤣
5 months ago
Share →: Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Commentary:
"Who needs fluctuating emotions when you've got consistent love for yourself? 💁‍♂️❤️ #ForeverMyOwnValentine"
5 months ago
Share →: Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Commentary:
"Remember, on Valentine's Day, it's important to sprinkle your happiness, not rub it in like a glitter bomb 💖 Let the couples have their moment, because let's be honest, we all know they'll go back to arguing over who left the toilet seat up tomorrow anyway! 🚽😆 #SpreadLoveNotToiletSeatIssues"