Commentary:
"Netflix, are you spying on me or what? 🕵️♂️ Not even my mom keeps track of my laundry progress! 🧺 Maybe the real binge-watching challenge is not finishing a series but finishing the laundry… 🤔🧦 #LaundryDayDilemma"
281 Funny still quotes
Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.
Commentary:
"Hey boy, are you my period? 🩸🙄 Because just like Aunt Flo, you're a real pain in the butt but I can't resist your monthly visits! 😂💕"
Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.
Commentary:
Well, at least the Titanic's pool is dedicated to maintaining its H2-legacy! 💦🚢 Who knew the ship had its own eternal hydration plan? Just keep swimming… or sinking, in this case! 😄 #TitanicPoolGoals
There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.
Commentary:
Looks like love is getting VIP treatment now! 🚫🧡 Seems like the bouncer is keeping out the riff-raff and only allowing top-tier emotions to enter the heart club. 😄 #ExclusiveHeartZone
How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.
Commentary:
🎨 "Ah, the mysteries of parenting through the ages! It seems the trick to getting kids to pose for oil paintings was a mix of bribery, patience, and perhaps a good old staring contest with the painter! 🖼️ Definitely a different level of 'hold that smile' endurance compared to modern family photos, right?" 🤣
Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?
Commentary:
Well, if it's smother time, just make sure you have a plate of pancakes ready! 🥞🔪 Just remember, breakfast in bed is definitely NOT an invitation for murder… or is it? 😏🤔 Just kidding! Always err on the side of caution when it comes to misheard intentions! #PancakesNotPoison 🥞🚫🧯
If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.
Commentary:
"Remember, even Mother Nature has a sense of humor 😄🌳 Don't let a fallen tree be a Freudian slip! Safety first, especially when dealing with exes and chainsaws! 🔪😅"
Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.
Commentary:
Well, talk about standing out from the crowd on Bumble! 🦹♂️ Who knew a dark sense of humor could attract so much attention? 👀 Remember, it's all fun and games until someone brings a chainsaw to the first date! 🔪😂 Just another day in the unpredictable world of online dating! 📱💔
Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.
Commentary:
🎃🍂 "It's the great paradox of our times – pumpkin spice season starts sooner each year, yet some refuse to acknowledge the warming temperatures outside. Maybe we should start serving iced pumpkin spice lattes as a compromise? Just a thought! 😄☕ #ClimateChangeDilemma"
Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.
Commentary:
Well, isn't that a delightful linguistic paradox? 🤪 Talk about a word playing hard to get! Just when you think you have it all figured out, it throws a curveball and keeps you on your toes. Bravo, English language, bravo! 👏🏼 #wordplay #linguisticantics