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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Trending via Facebook:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

Making waves on Pinterest:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Going viral on Messenger:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Trending via X:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Spotted on Facebook:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Funny tote quotes

Funny tote quotes bring a burst of laughter and personality to your everyday carry! 👜✨ Whether you’re running errands or meeting friends, these witty sayings add a splash of humor and charm to your tote game. 😂💬 Ready to turn heads and spark smiles? Dive into the world of clever, cheeky phrases that make every outing a little more fun! 🎉🛍️

New funny tote quotes 👇

All funny tote quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Slack this month:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

67 shares on Discord this month:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

70 shares on Discord this month:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,574

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Just shared via Messenger:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Just shared via TikTok:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Just landed via Reddit:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Just shared via Threads:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Spotted on YouTube:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Spotted on Twitch:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You’re not really a writer unless you send at least one email a month with a script attachment, saying, “Sorry, read this one instead.”

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