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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Trending via Threads:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Just landed via WeChat:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Trending via TikTok:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Shared recently on Threads:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Going bananas on Messenger:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Going bananas on TikTok:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Just shared via Telegram:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

17 Funny twenty quotes

More funny twenty quotes 👇

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

1 week ago

adulthood, goals, humor, irony, later, life, twenty, want, working
Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

1 week ago

betraying, choices, crisis, destroying, existential, existential crisis, humor, life, life choices, nothing, self, twenty, yourself, youth
I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

2 weeks ago

budgeting, diet, dollars, effective, financial, food, humor, i, joke, money, only, payday, struggle, twenty
In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

2 weeks ago

20s, 40s, age, around, bedtime, forty, fun, humor, jingle, nightlife, party, ten, twenty
20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

3 weeks ago

20s, 40s, adulthood, age, changes, drinking, even, forty, fridge, hangover, humor, life, life changes, open, sunglasses, twenty
Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

3 weeks ago

20s, 30s, choices, decisions, grow, growth, humans, humor, life, life choices, makeup, new, poor, should, teeth, thirty, twenty
Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

3 weeks ago

adulthood, age, humor, know, life, life phase, me, nice, person, personality, phase, plea, please, twenty

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

75 shares on Discord this month:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

34 shares on Slack this month:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

88 shares on TikTok this month:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Going bananas on Discord:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Live now on X:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Just landed via TikTok:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Breaking via Reddit:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Activity Log ✨

17 Funny twenty quotes

More funny twenty quotes 👇

All funny twenty quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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