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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

At least life has music.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Going viral on Snapchat:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Funny updates quotes

Funny updates quotes are the perfect way to keep your friends and followers laughing while you share life’s little moments 😄📲 Whether you’re celebrating wins, embracing fails, or just adding some humor to your day, these witty lines bring the fun and flair every status needs 🎉😂 Ready to brighten your feed and spread smiles? Let’s dive into some playful vibes and lighten up those updates! 🌟💬

New funny updates quotes 👇

All funny updates quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

98 shares on Slack this month:

January: the Monday of months.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

72 shares on Instagram this month:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa’s elves listen to wrap music.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I just wanna buy $16 worth of a meme coin and sell it for $2.6M two weeks later.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,730

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Breaking via Instagram:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Going viral on Pinterest:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Shared recently on Reddit:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Live now on Facebook:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Breaking via X:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Making waves on X:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Making waves on Discord:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

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