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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,391

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Shared recently on Threads:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Live now on Discord:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Trending via Pinterest:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Live now on YouTube:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Funny woke up quotes

Funny woke up quotes are the perfect morning pick-me-up 🌞😄! Whether you’re a night owl or an early bird, these witty words will have you laughing before your first cup of coffee ☕️😂. Start your day with a smile and a little sass to shake off the sleepiness 🛌✨. Ready to embrace mornings with humor? Let’s dive into some hilarious wake-up wisdom that’ll brighten even the groggiest face! 😜🌈

New funny woke up quotes 👇

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

1 day ago

another, bed, behavior, camera, funny behavior, illness, just, level, mental, mental illness, pretend, setting, setup, woke, woke up
Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

6 days ago

back, dance, funny moment, humor, laid, laid-back, mirror, moment, morning, morning routine, routine, twerk, woke, woke up
Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

6 days ago

bad, bad day, day, every, humor, i, irony, life, life struggle, morning, negativity, single, struggle, woke, woke up

All funny woke up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Discord this month:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

58 shares on X this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

56 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

23 shares on Discord this month:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Just landed via Threads:

Study international relations and political science if you watch the news and think, I’d like this to make me even more depressed.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Just landed via Twitch:

Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

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