Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Just shared via Threads:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Breaking via YouTube:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Breaking via Reddit:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Just shared via Twitch:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

19 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the secret to a spotless home is pretending you're always expecting surprise guests! 🧹🏃‍♂️🙈

chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

0

2 months ago

bro, humor, media, medication, nice, sarcasm, social, social media, tweet, Tweets
I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

0

2 months ago

activity, attached, commitment, decision, fun, fun activity, going, humor, i, learn, music, no strings attached, play, something, strings, violin, wanted
I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

0

2 months ago

before, coming, day, everyday, exhaustion, humor, i, just, need, prepare, recover, rest, routine, time
You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

0

2 months ago

drink, great, help, homework, humor, kid, know, math, parenting, struggle, vodka
Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

0

2 months ago

elbow, elbows, etiquette, hypocrisy, old, old person, people, person, racism, racist, rude, say, social, social etiquette, something, table
Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

0

2 months ago

activity, adventure, bike, childhood, fun, fun activity, just, nostalgia, parent, parents, riding, young

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on X this month:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

37 shares on X this month:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

45 shares on Slack this month:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

59 shares on Threads this month:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

79 shares on Discord this month:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I hope this email kills us both.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Spotted on Messenger:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Just shared via Twitch:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Just shared via X:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Making waves on Instagram:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Making waves on Reddit:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Going viral on Telegram:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Spotted on Instagram:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨