Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Just shared via Discord:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Broadcasted on Telegram:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Just landed via Reddit:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Spotted on Messenger:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Just shared via Facebook:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like the secret to a spotless home is pretending you're always expecting surprise guests! 🧹🏃‍♂️🙈

chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week

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34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

31 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Santa’s elves listen to wrap music.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Trending via Facebook:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Just landed via Threads:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Just shared via X:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Shared recently on Discord:

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

Breaking via Twitch:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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