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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,819

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

Shared recently on Threads:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Going viral on Threads:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Live now on Twitch:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Just landed via TikTok:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can someone point me to the ATM that dispenses "confusion cash"? 💸🤔😅

always, am, confusion, dollar, every, getting, going, humor, i, ID, irony, know, money, sarcasm, time, unexpected, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

0

2 months ago

around, bum, casual, comfort, home, humor, relaxation, walk, where
Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

0

2 months ago

clouds, ever, humor, idiot, imagination, nature, observational, observational humor, sarcasm, say, us, wit
Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

0

2 months ago

away, bird, fly, freedom, God, humor, i, me, people, poop, wish
Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

0

2 months ago

activity, confuse, confusion, doctor, funny activity, glof, hack, humor, life, life hack, prank, putting, same, time
Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging humor, always, coming, extended, humor, humor about aging, know, life, life perspective, Monday, old, old age, perspective, retirement, weekend
Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

0

2 months ago

activity, away, binoculars, distance, everyone, fun, fun activity, memory, nice, nostalgia, perspective, remember, upside, upside down

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Messenger this month:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

45 shares on Threads this month:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Seen just now on Discord:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Going viral on X:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Seen just now on Slack:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Just shared via YouTube:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Trending via Messenger:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Trending via TikTok:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Trending via TikTok:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨