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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Just shared via WeChat:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Spotted on WeChat:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Going viral on Instagram:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Seen just now on Slack:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Breaking via Instagram:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about mistaken friendship signals and self-awareness, humorously highlighting disappointment.

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Commentary:
When you realize your love life is just one long comedy sketch 😂🎭⏰

again, apology, before, care, caring, humor, i, inside, inside joke, joke, jokes, laugh, laughs, night, nights, relationship, sarcasm, sorry, sweet, text, texts, think, time, twice, wasting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

2 weeks ago

confidence, earlier, humor, i, insult, insulting, me, myself, sarcasm, self, self-talk, wit, work
I love you to the refrigerator and back.

3 weeks ago

affection, back, cute, distance, food, humor, i, love, playful, refrigerator, relationship
Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

2 weeks ago

chair, comfort, dance, funny observation, me, nightclub, nightlife, observation, party, social, where
People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

3 weeks ago

ariana, Ariana Grande, bon, Bon Iver, braverman, celebrity, comparison, courier, fonts, grande, humor, iver, jesse, Jesse Ventura, Jim, Jim Courier, lydia, Lydia West, people, roman, Roman Roy, roy, sound, suella, Suella Braverman, ventura, west, wordplay
I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

1 week ago

blanket, call, couch, dream, friend, friends, human, human blanket, i, lifelong, lifelong dream, nap, napping, still
Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

3 weeks ago

humor, i, idea, just, laziness, lazy, no idea, procrastination, say, simplicity, think, thinking, too

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Making waves on X:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Going bananas on Instagram:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Shared recently on Twitch:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Breaking via TikTok:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨