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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,896

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Going viral on Messenger:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Making waves on Telegram:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Live now on Discord:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Going viral on YouTube:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When you realize your love life is just one long comedy sketch 😂🎭⏰

again, apology, before, care, caring, humor, i, inside, inside joke, joke, jokes, laugh, laughs, night, nights, relationship, sarcasm, sorry, sweet, text, texts, think, time, twice, wasting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

0

2 months ago

alarm, chaos, daughter, family, household, humor, less, morning, rest, us, wake, wake up, warning
If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

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2 months ago

adventure, drinking, enforcement, humor, law, law enforcement, listening, nightlife, party, story
I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

0

2 months ago

competition, fast, humor, i, never, pencils, pressure, school, teacher, writing
Like most people my age, I’m 50.

0

2 months ago

50, age, humor, joke, middle, middle age, most, people
I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

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2 months ago

children, commitment, day, days, family, humor, i, love, parenting, sarcasm
Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

0

2 months ago

anti-social, bed, day, everyone, humor, just, lie, naked, relaxation, self-care, self-indulgence, solitude

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

71 shares on Discord this month:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

80 shares on X this month:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Going viral on Reddit:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Shared recently on Threads:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Breaking via Reddit:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨