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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Live now on Twitch:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Shared recently on Slack:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Spotted on Twitch:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Going viral on Reddit:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Trending via YouTube:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about swapping work talk for hobbies, sparking amusing conversations.

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Commentary:
"Turns out collecting rubber ducks and competitive potato peeling are way more fascinating than spreadsheets! 🦆🥔🤣"

absolutely, ask, conversation, conversations, hobby, humor, i, interaction, let, me, meet, new, new people, people, skill, small, small talk, social, social interaction, social skill, talk, tell, tier, top, top tier, work

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74 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

27 shares on X this month:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Making waves on WeChat:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Trending via TikTok:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Trending via Pinterest:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Spotted on Telegram:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

Making waves on Twitch:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

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Activity Log ✨

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Keep the laugh going 😂

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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