My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

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The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

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I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

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I have to pee. Story of my life.

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When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

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Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

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I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

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Touch my butt, not my coffee.

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Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

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Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

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Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?