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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,500

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Trending via TikTok:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Just shared via Messenger:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Trending via WeChat:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Trending via Twitch:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

18 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about a subway rat living the good life with pizza and friends.

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Commentary:
Why do I feel like that rat has its life more together than I do? 🍕🐀🏆

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Telegram this month:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

31 shares on Twitch this month:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Alexa, mute my children.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Going viral on Discord:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Freshly posted on X:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Trending via Snapchat:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Trending via TikTok:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

Breaking via TikTok:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

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Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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