Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,733

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Spotted on WeChat:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Trending via YouTube:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Breaking via Reddit:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Going bananas on Reddit:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Going viral on Reddit:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why do I feel like that rat has its life more together than I do? 🍕🐀🏆

best, better, circle, comparison, doing, food, humor, i, knows, life, me, pizza, rat, routine, social, social circle, sometimes, Subway, subway rat, think, urban, urban life, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

0

2 months ago

anger, emotion, frustration, healing, mad, sarcasm, say, still, time
I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

0

2 months ago

dosage, health, humor, i, irony, meds, mental, mental health, positivity, raise, still
20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

0

2 months ago

20s, 30s, 40s, aging, generational, humor, laughter, life, life stages, lol, reactions, stages, WTF
Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

0

3 weeks ago

around, being, biscuits, eating, ever, food, got, handed, humor, pretend, room, situation, snack, social, social situation, surprise, sweet, sweets, temptation
If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

0

2 months ago

body, clothing, fashion, humor, leggings, question, stomach, why, wordplay
Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

1 week ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

80 shares on X this month:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

42 shares on Discord this month:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

70 shares on Discord this month:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Shared recently on X:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Just shared via Snapchat:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Going viral on Discord:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Shared recently on X:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Live now on Reddit:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Just landed via TikTok:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Going bananas on Instagram:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨