Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,655

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Breaking via TikTok:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Breaking via Discord:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Breaking via Discord:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Just landed via Telegram:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Shared recently on Slack:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Spotted on Twitch:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Breaking via Discord:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, Twitter, where everyone's a doctor, a patient, and the entire hospital staff all rolled into one 😅💬🏥 #TwitterPsychWard"

community, diagnose, health, humor, media, mental, mental health, online, online community, patients, psychiatric, psychiatric ward, social, social media, Twitter, ward, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

0

2 months ago

cooler, depression, diagnosis, health, humor, i, know, melancholia, mental, mental health, much
You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

0

2 months ago

criticism, expectations, family, honesty, humor, just, kids, own, parenting, self-critique, think, wait, worst
If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

0

2 months ago

food, girl, humor, i, medium, Medium Spice, mild, Mild Spice, personality, playfulness, spice, Spice Girl
The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

0

2 months ago

actual, anticipation, before, day, day off, fun, humor, night, prelude, relaxation, satisfaction
Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

0

2 months ago

40s, age, challenge, diet, fitness, humor, laugh, lol, losing, weight
My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

0

2 months ago

age, doing, excuses, humor, i, moods, old, reluctance, sober, time, tired

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

28 shares on WeChat this month:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

38 shares on Discord this month:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Going viral on WeChat:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Seen just now on Slack:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Going bananas on Slack:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Breaking via Telegram:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Making waves on Twitch:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨