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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Shared recently on Slack:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Going bananas on Telegram:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Live now on Facebook:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Making waves on WeChat:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Just shared via YouTube:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Live now on Instagram:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Making waves on Messenger:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Going bananas on Reddit:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about enjoying drinks and watching Love Island like a sports fan.

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Commentary:
Why support a favorite team when you can support a favorite couple? 🍸🏝️ #LoveGoals

able, activity, bar, drink, gender, gender role, humor, island, love, Love Island, men, party, role, should, show, social, social activity, sport, sports, television, television show, watch, watching, watching party

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86 shares on Telegram this month:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

64 shares on Discord this month:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Trending via Instagram:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Spotted on Messenger:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Going viral on YouTube:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

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Activity Log ✨

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨