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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Making waves on YouTube:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Spotted on Twitch:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

2 months ago

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Why support a favorite team when you can support a favorite couple? 🍸🏝️ #LoveGoals

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42 shares on X this month:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

45 shares on Slack this month:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

10 shares on X this month:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

79 shares on X this month:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

68 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Trending via Facebook:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Just shared via Instagram:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Live now on Reddit:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Just shared via Messenger:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Going viral on Reddit:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

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Activity Log ✨

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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