Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,696

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Going bananas on Instagram:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Trending via Pinterest:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Live now on X:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Making waves on Instagram:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Trending via Telegram:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Going viral on X:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your phone gets more screen time than a Hollywood blockbuster 😂📱🎬

bro, communication, conversation, ever, excuse, humor, just, life, media, phone, relationship, right, sarcasm, social, social media, technology, texting, time, using, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal joke, cheese, greeting, humor, i, ID, joke, meet, mouse, pun, say, things, wordplay
You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

0

2 months ago

driving, humor, i, know, lines, lot, park, parking, parking lot, rules, shock
Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, dating, doing, friendship, girls, humor, humor quote, Instagram, jealousy, media, never, relationship, social, social media, something, soon, stop, unfollow
Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

0

2 months ago

confidence, dominance, eating, front, humor, indoor, indoor plant, joke, nature, plant, plants, playful, quirky, salad
Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, better, drunk, fun, honesty, humor, left, people, social, things, unsaid
Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

0

2 months ago

demons, exercise, fitness, going, gym, health, humor, mental, mental health, self-improvement, working, working out

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

76 shares on Slack this month:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

19 shares on Slack this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

65 shares on Telegram this month:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

32 shares on X this month:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Live now on WeChat:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I am half agony, half hope.

Making waves on Slack:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Trending via Facebook:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨