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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Breaking via Twitch:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Spotted on Discord:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Trending via Messenger:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Going viral on Threads:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Guess I'm still waiting for that brain matter delivery, but it's stuck in eternal shipping delay! 🧠🚚⏳

age, brain, childhood, days, difficulty, easier, gaming, hard, hit, humor, just, kid, matter, mental, mental age, nostalgia, opposite, patience, puzzle, wait, Zelda

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

30 shares on X this month:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

93 shares on X this month:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

87 shares on Threads this month:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Broadcasted on X:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Trending via Threads:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Going viral on Twitch:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Going viral on Slack:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Trending via YouTube:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨