Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

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If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

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“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

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The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

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Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

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I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

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Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

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I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

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The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

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Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

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Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.