Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,564

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Just landed via Reddit:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Just shared via Telegram:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Just shared via Facebook:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Going bananas on WeChat:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Making waves on Instagram:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Spotted on Slack:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Trending via Twitch:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Breaking via YouTube:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Just landed via Reddit:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Funny absurd quotes

Funny absurd quotes are the perfect recipe for a spontaneous laugh 🤪✨, blending nonsense with wit in the quirkiest ways! Whether you’re looking to brighten your day 🌞 or confuse your brain in the best way possible 🤯, these gems turn everyday moments into hilarious adventures. Get ready to embrace the silly side of life and share some unexpected chuckles with friends! 😂🎉

New funny absurd quotes 👇

All funny absurd quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

16 shares on X this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

32 shares on X this month:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,440

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Trending via Slack:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Trending via Telegram:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Just landed via Discord:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Trending via X:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Just shared via X:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Making waves on Threads:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Seen just now on Threads:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

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