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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Making waves on Reddit:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Just shared via TikTok:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Live now on Discord:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Going viral on WeChat:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Making waves on Facebook:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Live now on Reddit:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Shared recently on X:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Spotted on Slack:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

346 Funny am quotes

More funny am quotes 👇

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

3 months ago

am, communication, fluent, friendship, humor, i, me, next, silence, sit, speak, tired, too
Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

3 months ago

am, annoying, attitude, humor, i, just, permanence, personality, self-awareness, super, worry, yes
“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

3 months ago

al, am, avoid, baby, caffeine, forefather, full, i, nicotine, night, paper, procrastination
How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

3 months ago

am, anxiety, distraction, humor, i, procrastination, relax, stress, things
I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

4 months ago

adversity, am, everyone, gratitude, growth, humor, i, me, person, personal, personal growth, resilience, sarcasm, thank, today, transformation
Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

4 months ago

am, cool, day, early, fatigue, feeling, humor, long day, morning, relatable, tired, waking, waking up

For even more funny am quotes, hit next 👇

All funny am quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

81 shares on WeChat this month:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

78 shares on X this month:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I think my type is a nice person.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Santa’s elves listen to wrap music.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

Freshly posted on X:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Just landed via X:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Spotted on YouTube:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Making waves on Twitch:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

346 Funny am quotes

More funny am quotes 👇

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

All funny am quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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