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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,504

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Making waves on Instagram:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Just shared via Discord:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Going viral on Slack:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Trending via Instagram:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Going viral on Threads:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Spotted on Telegram:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Funny animal care quotes

Funny animal care quotes bring a smile to every pet lover’s face 🐾😂 From mischievous paws to quirky habits, these witty lines capture the joy and chaos of looking after our furry friends 🐕🐈 Whether you’re a dog parent, cat enthusiast, or exotic animal admirer, get ready to laugh and relate to the delightful craziness of animal care! 🦜🐢🐾

New funny animal care quotes 👇

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal care, care, courtesy, courtesy poodle, dachshund, great, hang, having, humor, insurance, pet, pet insurance, pets, poodle, thing, us, vet

Someone from 🇲🇦 has recently shared this quote.

14 shares on Reddit this month.
My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal care, bear, better, care, diarrhea, getting, health, humor, me, problems, vet, woods, worry

Someone from 🇱🇾 has recently bookmarked this quote.

106 shares on Facebook this month.
People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

0

5 months ago

animal, animal care, care, caretaker, chicken, farm, humor, joke, literally, people, pun, take, wordplay

Someone from 🇦🇸 has recently copied this quote.

42 shares on Twitch this month.

All funny animal care quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

30 shares on Slack this month:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

58 shares on Discord this month:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,338

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Trending via X:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Spotted on Slack:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Trending via YouTube:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Spotted on Threads:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Spotted on Pinterest:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Seen just now on Instagram:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

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