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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Trending via Pinterest:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Making waves on YouTube:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Trending via Pinterest:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Funny disdain quotes

Funny disdain quotes bring a cheeky twist to those moments when you just can’t hide your sass 😏🔥 Whether you’re dealing with annoying people or just feeling a bit extra, these witty gems serve up shade with a smile 😜🌟 Ready to laugh and roll your eyes at the same time? Dive into the perfect blend of humor and attitude that’ll keep you smirking all day long! 😎✨

New funny disdain quotes 👇

All funny disdain quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

52 shares on Slack this month:

Men are very good at being women lately.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve successfully reduced phone time by looking at computer more.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Lingerie under a trench coat is still on my bucket list, by the way.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Making waves on Slack:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Spotted on WeChat:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Seen just now on Threads:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Just landed via YouTube:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Trending via X:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Spotted on Threads:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

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