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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Just landed via Instagram:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Making waves on Facebook:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Going viral on WeChat:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Funny disdain quotes

Funny disdain quotes bring a cheeky twist to those moments when you just can’t hide your sass 😏🔥 Whether you’re dealing with annoying people or just feeling a bit extra, these witty gems serve up shade with a smile 😜🌟 Ready to laugh and roll your eyes at the same time? Dive into the perfect blend of humor and attitude that’ll keep you smirking all day long! 😎✨

New funny disdain quotes 👇

All funny disdain quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being awake is the worst.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

70 shares on Discord this month:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

91 shares on Reddit this month:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Home is where you trust the toilet seats.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Just shared via YouTube:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Live now on Reddit:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Making waves on YouTube:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Spotted on TikTok:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

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