Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,337

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Just landed via Discord:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Just landed via Reddit:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Spotted on YouTube:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Just shared via YouTube:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Funny funny excuse quotes

Funny funny excuse quotes are the perfect way to add a splash of humor to your day 😂✨ Whether you need a clever reason to skip chores or just want to make your friends chuckle, these playful excuses have got you covered! From silly to downright ridiculous, they turn any situation into a laugh fest 🎉🤣 Get ready to brighten up your conversations with a dose of witty fun!

New funny funny excuse quotes 👇

All funny funny excuse quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on YouTube this month:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

48 shares on WeChat this month:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

79 shares on Threads this month:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

14 shares on X this month:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I can resist everything except temptation.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,755

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Trending via Reddit:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Shared recently on X:

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Making waves on Discord:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Going viral on TikTok:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Live now on Facebook:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

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