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12 hours ago / slickboy

January was a tough year but we made it.

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I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax. - 10 folks are currently viewing this quote.
I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever. - 2 folks are currently viewing this quote.
I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me. - 5 folks are currently viewing this quote.
Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow. - 8 folks are currently viewing this quote.
I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island” - 7 folks are currently viewing this quote.

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Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked. - 79 shares on Telegram this week.
I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep. - 89 shares on Reddit this week.
Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes. - 15 shares on Pinterest this week.
Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum. - 52 shares on Pinterest this week.
Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face. - 65 shares on Snapchat this week.

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