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When a kid draws me and I see a Picasso-level forehead: I'm flattered by the respect, but maybe my barber won't be. 😂🎨✨
14830 Funny humor quotes
Soup is called that because when you eat it, you’re so up.
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This must be why I always lift off my chair in delight after a bowl! 🍜🚀😁
I’m really just looking for a Tom and Jerryuationship right now, nothing serious.
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Chasing my soulmate with a frying pan, because love should be an adventure! 😹🥳💕
I hate when I make a mistake that was 100% my fault and 100% avoidable.
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Relatable level: unlocking a secret achievement in the game of life 🎮🙃
There should be an anti-LinkedIn app where everyone posts their failures, and we congratulate them for it.
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Finally, a place where my extensive collection of 'oops moments' can really shine! 🎉🙈 #FailsAndFriends
Dating tip: if a guy tells you he’s not very political, he’s conservative but has learned that won’t get him laid.
Commentary:
Sounds like he's still waiting for his political compass to load… ⏳🔄💼
Turns out, the secret to looking good in photos is being loved by the person behind the camera.
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That's why my selfies always look like I'm ready for a witness protection program 😂📸❤️
You might be someone’s nothingburger, but you’re my everythingbagel.
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You're the cream cheese to my everything bagel 🥯❤️, and I've never been happier to be a carb lover! 😄
Picking up a prostitute in the middle of my driving lesson.
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Talk about taking detours during a driving lesson! 🚗💨🤣
Being naked while wearing shoes feels more naked than being naked.
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When your shoes are the only attendees at the nudist convention 👟😳