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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Spotted on Facebook:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Making waves on Discord:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Home » Funny Improvement Quotes » Page 2

14 Funny improvement quotes

More funny improvement quotes 👇

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

0

2 months ago

blue, creative, creative project, fun, funny idea, garden, Google, Google Maps, home, home improvement, i, idea, improvement, maps, outdoor, outdoor fun, pool, project, spread, tarpaulin, want
To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

0

3 months ago

again, apology, better, everyone, humor, i, improvement, next, offended, offense, sarcasm, year
Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

0

3 months ago

compliment, humor, improvement, lot, me, means, people, people pleaser, pleaser, recovering, self, self-improvement, someone, strict, today
Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

0

5 months ago

day, due, every, getting, humor, improvement, motivation, personal, personal reason, reason, reasons, self, self-improvement, strength

For even more funny improvement quotes, hit next 👇

All funny improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

22 shares on TikTok this month:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

89 shares on Discord this month:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Shared recently on Telegram:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Just landed via TikTok:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Live now on TikTok:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Making waves on WeChat:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Going viral on Twitch:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Breaking via Messenger:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

14 Funny improvement quotes

More funny improvement quotes 👇

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

All funny improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨