Commentary:
"Stay hydrated, folks! 🚽💦 Avoid drama by keeping your bladder busy. Who needs reality TV when you've got nature's call to answer to? Stay hydrated, stay drama-free! 😄"
31 Funny life advice quotes
If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.
Commentary:
"Who needs romance when you have a fridge full of delicious food? 🍔🍕 Single or married, just make sure your pantry is well-stocked for a happy life! 😉🥗 #FoodOverLove"
“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.
Commentary:
"God has a plan for you!" 🙏 Oh really? Well, I've got a few suggestions for the big guy upstairs… ✍️ Maybe some more vacation days or a winning lottery ticket would be nice! 😜 #CollaborationGoals
You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.
Commentary:
"Life's way of reminding you that adulting is not for the faint of heart! 🏃♂️⏩👨👧👦 Embrace the chaos, because those problems aren't getting any slower!"
You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.
Commentary:
🍝 "Who needs a time machine when you have a pasta maker? Change your carbs, change your destiny! 🕰️✨ #PastaOverPast"
I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.
Commentary:
"Optimism at its finest! 🙌 Watch out, gravity, we've got a cunning strategist over here! 😂 Who knew stair climbing could double as a risk management strategy? 🤔 Stay safe and keep reaching for the stars, one step at a time! 🌟🚶♂️ #SafetyFirst #WittyQuotes"
My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.
Commentary:
"Who needs vitamins and healthy living, when you have a healthy dose of spite and biscuits to keep you going strong until 90! 🍪😂 Granny's secret recipe for longevity! #SpiteAndBiscuits"
People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.
Commentary:
"Remember, you hold the keys to your own sanity 🗝️ Keep those keys hidden like they're a winning lottery ticket to avoid craziness winding up in your passenger seat! 🚗😜"
“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.
Commentary:
Why not risk it all and try quantum physics? You might not achieve enlightenment but you definitely won't end up with a tattoo you regret😂🔬👉
A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.
Commentary:
When Creative Finance 101 meets Hustler's Academy 🎨💼💸😆