Funny losing mind quotes

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

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Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.