Commentary:
When I figure out how to call in sick to being me, I'll let you know! 🙃🤔😴
190 Funny myself quotes
I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.
Commentary:
Fluffy friends: 1, logic: 0. 🐝😄
Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.
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Treat yo'self to some pre-birthday presents—better start a year early! 🎈🎉🛍️
Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.
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When you finally claim the entire bed but then ruin it with a rogue pillow move 😂🛌💥🦒 #SleepAdventures
Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.
Commentary:
When you hit send and immediately enroll in a witness protection program 🤦♂️😂📲
Going no contact with myself.
Commentary:
Guess it's time to ghost my own thoughts for a while!
Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.
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Who knew that battling dust bunnies could double as therapy? 🧹🧼🗑️😅
I’m saving myself for my vibrator.
Commentary:
Looks like batteries are the new diamond rings! 💍🔋😂
When I feel stupid, I like to remind myself that I got my bachelor’s degree without ChatGPT.
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😂 Remembering when the only "assistant" I had was caffeine and all-nighters! ☕️📚
The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.
Commentary:
This sounds like my New Year's resolution: endless dessert and zero regrets! 🍰🤣