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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,361

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Making waves on Instagram:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Making waves on X:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

Trending via Threads:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Going viral on Slack:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Spotted on TikTok:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Funny nerd quotes

Funny nerd quotes are the perfect blend of wit 🤓 and charm 💡, turning geeky facts into laugh-out-loud moments 😂. Whether you’re a science buff, a tech lover, or just proud to embrace your inner nerd 🧬, these clever sayings will brighten your day and spark your brain 💥. Get ready to LOL while celebrating all things smart and silly! 🎉

New funny nerd quotes 👇

All funny nerd quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Why be pretty when you can be pretty weird?

95 shares on Threads this month:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

57 shares on Twitch this month:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,342

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Going viral on Facebook:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Just landed via YouTube:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Just landed via X:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Going viral on Reddit:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

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