Funny purple quotes

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

30 shares on Threads this month:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

80 shares on Telegram this month:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.