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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Freshly posted on X:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Freshly posted on X:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Trending via WhatsApp:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Going viral on Facebook:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Live now on Instagram:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Funny savage quotes

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New funny savage quotes 👇

All funny savage quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on X this month:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

67 shares on X this month:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

64 shares on Discord this month:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Live now on WeChat:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Trending via YouTube:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Spotted on WeChat:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Trending via TikTok:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

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