98 funny Twitter quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Apr 1, 2026

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Apr 1, 2026

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Apr 1, 2026

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Mar 31, 2026

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Mar 31, 2026

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Mar 31, 2026

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Mar 31, 2026

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Mar 31, 2026

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Mar 31, 2026

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Mar 31, 2026

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Mar 30, 2026

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Mar 30, 2026

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Mar 29, 2026

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Mar 29, 2026

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Mar 29, 2026

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Mar 29, 2026

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Mar 29, 2026

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Mar 29, 2026

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Mar 29, 2026

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Mar 28, 2026

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Mar 28, 2026

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Mar 28, 2026

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Mar 28, 2026

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Mar 28, 2026

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Mar 28, 2026

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Mar 28, 2026

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Mar 28, 2026

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Mar 27, 2026

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

Mar 27, 2026

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Mar 27, 2026

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Mar 27, 2026