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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,625

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Going viral on Facebook:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Spotted on Telegram:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Just shared via Messenger:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Live now on Messenger:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Funny waitress quotes

Funny waitress quotes serve up a delicious dose of humor 🍽️😄, capturing the wild, witty, and sometimes chaotic world behind the scenes of your favorite restaurants. Whether it’s dealing with quirky customers or navigating endless orders, these laughs bring a sprinkle of joy to every shift. Ready to serve up some smiles? Let’s dive into the funniest moments from the frontline of dining! 🍔🍹✨

New funny waitress quotes 👇

All funny waitress quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

96 shares on X this month:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

60 shares on Slack this month:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

75 shares on Threads this month:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,600

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Making waves on YouTube:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Just landed via Telegram:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Spotted on Twitch:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Trending via Telegram:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Going viral on Telegram:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

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