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Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

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15,753

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Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Just landed via Slack:

Dear Santa, Money!

Trending via Snapchat:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Seen just now on X:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Just shared via X:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Spotted on Pinterest:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about medieval horses versus modern cars, highlighting playful chaos and imagination.

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Commentary:
Who knew cars had such wanderlust? Hope it's not road tripping on my gas card too! 🚗💨🐴⛽

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47 shares on Instagram this month:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate texting. Just hunt me like an animal.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Making waves on TikTok:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Going viral on Threads:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Just shared via Telegram:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Live now on LinkedIn:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

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Activity Log ✨

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨