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Commentary:
🏆🎬 "I could easily win an Oscar, I just have to schedule it in between my naps and snack breaks! 🍿💤 Who knew being fabulous could be so exhausting?"

acting, award, busy, easily, going, humor, i, just, Oscar, priorities, right, self-deprecation, things, win

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

1 month ago
activity, both, date, dog, humor, river, style
Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

4 months ago
beautiful, beautiful woman, big, big car, buy, car, driving, gorgeous, grocery, house, humor, irony, kitchen, luxury, oh, overpriced, rich, rich woman, shopping, stock, woman
I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

1 month ago
afraid, alive, everyone, fear, ghost, ghosts, humor, mad, me, relationships, still
Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

2 months ago
communication, education, first grade, grade, handwriting, kid, kids, note, parenting, stress, teacher
I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

2 months ago
coffee, delusion, humor, i, love, morning, sarcasm, smell
I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

1 month ago
angel, chat, coordination, fate, future, future husband, group, group chat, guardian, guardian angel, humor, husband, i, love, relationship, trying, wonder

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Going viral on Discord:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Wordgag ツ

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I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

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I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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