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Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Going viral on Snapchat:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Going viral on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Breaking via Slack:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Just shared via TikTok:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Spotted on Telegram:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Spotted on Discord:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote suggesting scrolling on phones eases global anxiety with humor.

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Commentary:
Totally! Just like drinking coffee to help you nap better ☕📱😅

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17 shares on Threads this month:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

76 shares on TikTok this month:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

86 shares on Slack this month:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Shared recently on Slack:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Going viral on Twitch:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Just shared via Discord:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Shared recently on Messenger:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

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If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨