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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

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15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Making waves on X:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Just landed via Twitch:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Going viral on TikTok:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

2 months ago

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Totally! Just like drinking coffee to help you nap better ☕📱😅

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72 shares on Reddit this month:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

35 shares on Discord this month:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Spotted on Instagram:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Spotted on Facebook:

WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Just shared via Telegram:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Just landed via TikTok:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Spotted on Threads:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Trending via Slack:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Making waves on Reddit:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

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Activity Log ✨

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Can I come over and figure you out?

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Can I come over and figure you out?

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨