Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Shared recently on YouTube:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Breaking via X:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Making waves on Telegram:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Making waves on Facebook:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Just landed via Facebook:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Totally! Just like drinking coffee to help you nap better ☕📱😅

anxiety, distraction, feeling, geopolitics, global, humor, information, internet, little, media, much, phone, relief, remember, scroll, scrolling, smartphone, spend, state, stress, stress relief, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

0

2 months ago

anyone, ChatGPT, else, heart, heart surgery, humor, issue, medical, medical humor, middle, online, online outage, outage, surgeon, surgery, technical, technical issue, technology, technology humor
It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

0

2 months ago

entertainment, humor, music, observation, people, seats, songs, Usher, weird
If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

0

2 months ago

Earth, flat, flat earth, Flat Earther, gravity, humor, joke, jump, people, perspective
My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

0

2 months ago

credit, credit score, family, hissing, humor, McRib, over, raccoon, score
I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

0

2 months ago

accident, cooking, disaster, eyeball, humor, i, joke, just, kitchen, need, recipe, sarcasm
The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

0

2 months ago

ambition, domination, good, humor, me, nap, only, procrastination, sleep, thing, world, world domination

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

40 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Going viral on Discord:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Just landed via WeChat:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Making waves on Reddit:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Spotted on Threads:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Just shared via Threads:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Just landed via Threads:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Shared recently on X:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Just shared via WeChat:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨