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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Going viral on Telegram:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Just landed via Instagram:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Just landed via X:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Spotted on Twitch:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Just shared via Reddit:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about being a dedicated Twitter listener with a witty, humorous twist.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Apparently, my superpower is knowing everyone's shower thoughts! 🦸‍♂️🛀📱 #TweetWhisperer"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Facebook this month:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

29 shares on X this month:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Making waves on Reddit:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Trending via Snapchat:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Shared recently on Discord:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Just shared via TikTok:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Breaking via Facebook:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Just shared via Discord:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Just landed via Facebook:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨