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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Milk or be milked.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Seen just now on Discord:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Making waves on Slack:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Shared recently on Slack:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Trending via Twitch:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Going viral on Threads:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Getting into the holiday spirit one tiny jingle at a time 🎄✨ #MinimalistMerry

being, Christmas, holiday, humor, microdosing, mindfulness, presence, present

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36 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

90 shares on Discord this month:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Going viral on Reddit:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Going bananas on X:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Just landed via Threads:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Breaking via Threads:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Just landed via Reddit:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Live now on Messenger:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Just shared via Twitch:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Breaking via Reddit:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Making waves on X:

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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