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Commentary:
"Seppuku? Ain't nobody got time for that! 🙅‍♂️ Let's aim for a life goal that doesn't involve sharp objects or ceremonial self-disembowelment, shall we? 😂 #GoalsWithoutGore"

aspiration, commit, existential, goal, humor, life, seppuku

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

0

2 months ago

actually, conspiracy, faked, humor, i, landing, Mars, moon, moon landing, proof, prove, space
What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

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2 months ago

annoying, annoying toy, children’s toy, children’s, Christmas, Christmas joke, evil, evil Santa, holiday, holiday humor, humor, joke, most, need, Santa, theft, toy, toy theft, toys
People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

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4 months ago

city, city life, ever, humor, interaction, invitation, know, let, life, me, NYC, people, social, social interaction
Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

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2 months ago

Earth, everyone, humor, i, know, live, living, media, need, people, posting, privacy, social, social media, stop, where
Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

0

2 months ago

body, body part, daily, daily routine, day, eye, eye roll, fitness, humor, joke, roll, routine, sarcasm
Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

0

2 months ago

activity, choice, everything, fun, kill, life, pick, something

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

29 shares on Threads this month:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

14 shares on Threads this month:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Breaking via X:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Spotted on TikTok:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Making waves on Slack:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Seen just now on Facebook:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Just landed via Facebook:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨