My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

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My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

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The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

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The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

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Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

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It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

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Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

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Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?