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Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,806

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Seen just now on Slack:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Just landed via WeChat:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Trending via Instagram:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Trending via Facebook:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Please twerk; I have just days left.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your last wish is to witness some legendary twerking! 😅💃🕺 #BucketListGoals"

activity, days, deadline, fun, fun activity, humor, i, just, left, please, twerk, urgency

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

2 months ago
1992, composure, humor, i, loss, lost, memory, time
You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

2 months ago
anxiety, door, humor, i, introvert, knock, murder, reaction, someone, surprise, think, wanted
Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

1 month ago
baby, back, excitement, food, half, hell, humor, lunch, motivation, run, run it back, sandwich, second, second half
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

1 month ago
always, bottle, celebration, fridge, fun, humor, keep, occasion, special, special occasion, Wednesday, wine
Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

1 month ago
attraction, behavior, drive, health, humor, just, people, perception, relationships, sex, sex drive, smoking, social, social behavior, vaping
Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

1 month ago
assassination, best, best day, day, ever, ferdinand, franz, Franz Ferdinand, history, humor, irony, media, meme, shot, social, social media, Twitter

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Being a little freak is my love language.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Just shared via Telegram:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Going bananas on Slack:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Going viral on X:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Seen just now on Telegram:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Live now on Reddit:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please twerk; I have just days left.

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

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Please twerk; I have just days left.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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