Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Making waves on Reddit:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Seen just now on Twitch:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Spotted on Slack:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Just landed via Snapchat:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Making waves on TikTok:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Making waves on Instagram:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Just landed via X:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about embracing patience and slowing down in life.

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Commentary:
Who knew that slowing down could be the fast track to happiness? 🚶‍♂️🍃🚫⏰

aging, being, humor, hurry, i, life, live, older, realization, realize, terrible

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

6 days ago

age, daily, daily life, day, every, forgetfulness, forgot, humor, i, just, learned, learning, life, memory, new, old, something, today
Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

1 week ago

activity, app, apps, cafe, confused, dating, dating app, fun, fun activity, humor, looking, situation, social, social situation, time, walk, working
The reward for doing really good work is more work.

1 week ago

doing, expectation, good, good work, humor, irony, life, more work, productivity, reward, work, work life
Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

2 weeks ago

call, dance, humor, Macarena, morning, music
Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

3 weeks ago

drinking, everything, fix, going, green, green tea, humor, me, optimism, tea
I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

3 weeks ago

dating, even, humor, husband, match, me, relationship, single, Tinder

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Discord this month:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

52 shares on Slack this month:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

68 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

49 shares on Discord this month:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Just landed via Threads:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Freshly posted on X:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Making waves on Discord:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Trending via YouTube:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Trending via Threads:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Trending via Slack:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Keep the laugh going 😂

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨