Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

What are cats even trying to do?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,717

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Shared recently on X:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Going viral on Threads:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Trending via TikTok:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Breaking via Telegram:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Making waves on Facebook:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew hay had such sharp fashion sense? 🐴🧵😂

confusion, haystack, humor, irony, needle, question, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

2 months ago

communication, due, humor, i, irony, mouth, nothing, phrase, respect, sarcasm, say, speech
My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

2 months ago

bad, common, common sense, everyone, expectation, humor, irony, sense, thinking
Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

2 months ago

children, cold, example, giving, humor, kids, me, parenting
8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

2 months ago

evening, hours, humor, perception, relativity, short, short time, time, two hours, weeknight
No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

2 months ago

commitment, dating, end, falling, hangout, humor, i, love, me, relationship, time
It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

2 months ago

honesty, humor, just, relationship, say, things, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

77 shares on Slack this month:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Just landed via Twitch:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Just landed via TikTok:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Breaking via Reddit:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Making waves on Facebook:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Going viral on WeChat:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Seen just now on Threads:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨