Commentary:
Being early is like throwing a surprise party for yourself—no one else shows up!
Author Archives: slickboy
Can we start dropping pianos on people again?
Commentary:
Sure, as long as we have insurance that covers "grand" injuries!
Stop acting your age. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.
Commentary:
Guess I’ll just keep acting like a five-year-old with a credit card then!
Pattern recognition so good I can see into the future.
Commentary:
With skills like that, I'm sure you already know how this conversation ends!
Old people won’t listen to you, but will trust a scam caller with their whole chest.
Commentary:
The ultimate trust exercise: can you get Nana to ignore the person on the phone claiming she won a free cruise?
I miss my prime era (playing outside in the sun all day).
Commentary:
Wouldn't mind trading adult responsibilities for some epic hide-and-seek championships right about now!
Why is everybody on LinkedIn thrilled all the time?
Commentary:
Guess LinkedIn swapped the 'endorse' button with a 'mandatory happy dance' button!
You ever hold an iPhone without a case on it? You can almost feel its eagerness to toss itself onto some pavement.
Commentary:
Bold of you to assume I've ever taken the case off—it's like giving buttered toast a chance to land face down!
Make the Microsoft CEO search for an email on Outlook live on camera.
Commentary:
I'd pay good money to see their tech support face-off with the "Sorry, something went wrong" banner!
Deleting my Call of Duty account so the army can’t see my potential, and I don’t get drafted.
Commentary:
If hiding from the draft were a sport, I'd have a gold medal by now.