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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has viewed:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has viewed:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¨ has shared:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Snapchat:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Spotted on YouTube:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Just landed via Reddit:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Making waves on X:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Making waves on X:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Live now on Telegram:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

0
Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?
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Commentary:
When the manicurists and vapers are secretly the economic masterminds keeping your town afloat πŸ˜‚πŸ’…πŸ’¨

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on X this month:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself β€œwhat would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

53 shares on X this month:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

74 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

For Halloween, I will be okay.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has viewed:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with β€œAnd I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has copied:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Dinosaurs are always described as β€œroaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Instagram:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Trending via Twitch:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Going viral on Pinterest:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Just landed via Slack:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Just landed via Threads:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Trending via Discord:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

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