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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Live now on X:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Trending via Snapchat:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Just shared via Discord:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Breaking via Twitch:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Spreading quickly via X:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Breaking via Facebook:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Going viral on TikTok:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Not my first choice for a superpower, but at least the bat gossip is *batty* fabulous! 🦇🗣️😂

72, 72 hours, ability, bat, bats, fasting, hours, humor, joke, superpower, whisper

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

0

2 months ago

awareness, humor, irony, life, ruining, sarcasm, self-aware, thanks
My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, new, new year, procrastinate, resolution, self-improvement, start, tomorrow, year
Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

0

2 months ago

commentary, girl, holding, humor, iPhone, irony, job, relationship, social, social commentary, still, understand
Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

0

2 months ago

activity, fun, fun activity, humor, humor quote, joke, lamps, lighten, lighten up, need, normalize, people, sarcasm, throwing
There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

0

2 months ago

dining, food, humor, love, relationship, selfishness
How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

0

2 months ago

age, age humor, aging, humor, impatience, joke, kick, life, life joke, old, older, still, thing, waiting, wisdom, wise

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

89 shares on X this month:

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Somebody should tell James Cameron the world doesn’t need any more frigging Avatar movies.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Trending via Telegram:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Trending via Twitch:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Spotted on Facebook:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Live now on X:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Live now on Instagram:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨