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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1882 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,044

Funny Quotes Topics

14,830

Funny Quotes Images

12,044

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Reported on Reddit:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Going viral on Instagram:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Breaking via Facebook:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1882 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,044

Funny Quotes Topics

14,830

Funny Quotes Images

12,044

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,453

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Reddit:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Live now on Instagram:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Spotted on Twitch:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Just landed via Messenger:

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Just shared via WeChat:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Spreading quickly via X:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Making waves on Discord:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

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