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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

761 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,923

Funny Quotes Topics

13,892

Funny Quotes Images

10,923

Updated

31 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Live now on Threads:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Trending via WhatsApp:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Just shared via Slack:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Freshly posted on X:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Just landed via X:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Seen just now on X:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Making waves on Instagram:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

761 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,923

Funny Quotes Topics

13,892

Funny Quotes Images

10,923

Updated

31 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Twitch:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Body by sandwich.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Just landed via Discord:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Shared recently on X:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Just shared via Facebook:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Making waves on Threads:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Going viral on Instagram:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Trending via Telegram:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

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